woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
