she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
