I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
