sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
