C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I need to align my fucking chakras
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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