yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
