I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
