I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
