she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
