Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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