I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
