I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
