I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
