The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
