hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it's like iHOP with fire
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
