Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
