Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
