I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
