he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
