I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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