Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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