my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
