he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
