what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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