If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
