I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
