So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Betty ford says i'm here all night
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
