would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
