OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
