Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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