Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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