Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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