Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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