I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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