my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
