Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
