My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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