I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
