his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
