that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
