I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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