all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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