So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
