her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
