We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize