My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
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It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
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I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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