Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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