Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
