Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
