Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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