I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I still have a little drunk in my system
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
