Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
