My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize