I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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