How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
