This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
