I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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