Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
