that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
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No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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