I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
