I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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