i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
