I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
