nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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