The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i dont even know how to be here
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
