420 ftw
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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