new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
