if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
