Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
