piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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