Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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