Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
